1. Title your paper with 1-3 words that indicate the broad area of your topic, not the the stance or focus—Fracking, for example.
2. Begin the text with "In today's society . . ." and include either important or significant and either increasing or more and more somewhere in the first two lines.
3. Also in the first two lines, include at least one linguistic error, but not more than three. Items 2 and 3 can be combined in one shot by beginning with "In todays society . . .."
4. Including a thesis statement or otherwise clearly identifying your focus in the introduction can be a dangerous move. If you decide to go through with it, make sure to identify three loosely connected aspects of your topic, each of which could be the focus of a book series.
5. Cite exclusively from PETA, Yahoo! News, and your uncle's friend's blog that's not actually up yet but will be soon.
6. Never use signal phrases when quoting. “100% of teenagers are under twenty” (Smith & Wesson). Also make sure the relevance of the quote to the preceding and following sentences is indiscernible.